Kel Kelly

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Archive for December, 2009

From Tiger To Pussy

Dec. 30th 2009

I have purposely waited to blog about the Tiger Woods controversy. I wanted to see how this sports titan would handle the crisis. And now, I can safely say that he has gone from a Tiger to a Pussy in just a few weeks.

I mean honestly, where the eff is Tiger? For someone known for his unwavering focus and ability to come from behind (no pun intended) to win a title, he has totally missed out on an opportunity to deal with this crisis head on.

Say what you want about Mark Sanford’s ramblings about finding his soul mate or John Edwards’ unthinkable act of cheating on his terminally ill wife. At least when their cats came out of the bag, they took a “suck it up” pill and fell on their sword for the entire world to see. Aside from a carefully worded post on his website using confusing words like “transgressions,” Tiger has yet to come out of the woods.

If Tiger had a PR firm worth the millions I am sure they are being paid, why aren’t they telling him to do the following?

  1. Hold a press conference and take full responsibility for his actions.
  2. Disclose that there were X number of other women who he had affairs with who have not been identified. He needs to uncover everything so there is nothing left to keep the story alive.
  3. Announce that he is going into rehab for sex addiction. Addiction is the only way to explain his reckless behavior. No human being in their right mind — particularly a high profile celebrity — would think that he or she could get away with such an ongoing and visible laundry list of affairs unless there was some sort of addiction. By the way, I think Vegas now needs a new tagline because clearly “What goes on in Vegas does not stay in Vegas.”
  4. Apologize to his family. Acknowledge that no woman on the planet deserves to be treated the way he has treated his wife Elin. He is a donkey and if the universe truly had its way with him, he will never get laid again.

There is no way he can stuff this genie back in the bottle so he needs to address it immediately. This will not just blow (no pun intended here either) over. The longer he waits, the more his reputation will deteriorate to the point of no recovery. At this point John Daly looks like a saint compared to Tiger. The public is capable of forgiveness when someone takes responsibility for his or her actions. Think Martha Stewart. However, when someone denies, or even worse, sticks his or her head in the sand, the public will keep the controversy alive and continue to ridicule. Think the Catholic Church.

Tiger needs to put this nightmare to bed as quickly as he can for himself, his family and his fans. If he ever wants to be a winning golfer again, he needs to take the spotlight off him ASAP. I don’t care how talented you are or how laser-like your focus is, having a bunch of drunken golf fans screaming at you on the course will ruin anybody’s game. I get almost giddy thinking about the one-liners:

  • “Hope you get it in the hole big guy!”
  • “Pull out your big wood!”
  • “You can use your wedge on me any day stud muffin!”
  • “18 holes are better than one!”
  • “Can I borrow your cell phone, I need to text a stripper?”
  • “I hear you play well in the rough!”
  • “Drive those balls like you did in Vegas!”
  • “Just do it…with your wife!”

Do you think Tiger will ever be able to salvage his reputation?

Posted by Kel | in Featured, Uncategorized | 16 Comments »