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The Mommy Elephant In The Room
Update: Out of appreciation and respect for the Mommy Blogger’s apology, I have removed both links to her blog. It now serves no purpose. I highly encourage everyone to continue to share comments and ideas on how to proactively address the Mommy Elephant situation discussed below. Thanks!-
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I am a firm believer that “all things happen for a reason.” Even when it initially appears that I am on the receiving end of something negative, I know that “this moment is as it should be” even if the reason is not clear at that time. I am also a firm believer that working to resolve a perceived issue is a far better and much healthier approach to life’s challenges than slinging mud and spewing vile hatred. Well, lucky me. Thanks to something that hit the blogosphere last night, I have another opportunity to live by those beliefs.
First, let me give you a little background info. PR agencies are hired by clients to do many things, but most importantly, they are hired to secure positive, free coverage across all media — TV, print, radio, internet, social and blogosphere. The operative word here is “free.” PR agencies pitch stories in hopes that it will be of interest to the media outlet’s target audience while gaining exposure for its client. When done successfully, everyone wins in this model — the media outlet, the client, and the PR agency. The media outlet wins because when done correctly, they have delivered an outstanding story that is original and tightly aligned with the interests of its readership/viewership. The client wins because the exposure helps drive awareness and association to their brand while leveraging the positive credibility associated with a reputable media outlet. And the PR agency wins because they successfully secured a positive hit on behalf of its client.
Over the last few years a fantastic sector has emerged within the blogosphere called Mommy Bloggers. If you ever wanted to scream the words “You go girl!” then the Mommy Bloggers are a good place to find a worthy recipient of your enthusiastic props and accolades. As the mom of four children, I get why moms love Mommy Bloggers — when it comes to things for my family, I trust the insight from another mom more than anyone else on the planet. Moms kind of have a herd mentality in that when we find something we love, we want to share it with other moms, so they can benefit too. Because of the unmatched reach of the internet, the Mommy Bloggers have been able to provide exceptional value and insight to an audience that goes far beyond their local community of friends. The Kel & Partners team feels so fortunate to work with these amazing women since the vast majority of our employees are moms themselves and because we have the utmost respect for how hard Mommy Bloggers work as both a mom and as a blogger. It would be impossible to mention all the Mommy Bloggers we love because there are thousands of them, but good examples include Allison at PetitElefant, Louise at Mom Start, Deb at Just a Mom’s Take on Things, Gem at Sage & Savvy, Angie at 5 Vinez Monkeys and all the talented women at Cafe Mom and SheKnows.
Over the last year or so, however, there has been a Mommy Elephant in the room and it is causing a lot of pain for some Mommy Bloggers and PR agencies alike. As I mentioned previously, the job of a PR agency has always been to find free media opps. PR agencies have worked in a free media model since the beginning of time. The media outlets we work with have always monetized their business through selling advertising, not selling editorial. Recently, there has been a backlash from some Mommy Bloggers about wanting to be paid for covering a client’s product/service. The challenge is that there is no way for a PR agency to know if this is the perspective of a particular Mommy Blogger since it honestly isn’t the intent of all Mommy Bloggers. So what sometimes happens is a PR person unknowingly pitches a Mommy Blogger who wants to be paid for her coverage and unfortunately, the PR person ends up irritating her because the pitch doesn’t involve any monetary compensation.
I am using this post as an invitation to Mommy Bloggers and PR agencies to collaboratively figure out a way to resolve this issue. I float the following question — How can we best identify a Mommy Blogger who prefers monetary compensation for the content she produces? I think I am speaking for all PR agencies when I say that we totally respect if a Mommy Blogger wants to be paid for the content she produces. And, it is because of that respect that I think we need to come up with a proactive solution that will make it easy for us to identify this subset of Mommy Bloggers so that we can remove them from our pitch list. Trust me when I tell you the last thing we want to do is pitch anyone who does not want to be on the receiving end of a pitch. I am all ears when it comes to coming up with a better way to segment the Mommy Blogger community. One thought would be to come up with a badge or something that a Mommy Blogger could put on her blog that lets the PR agency know she would not like to be pitched unless there is monetary compensation involved. Perhaps the badge could be called “Test House” or something similar that would help everyone align their business objectives and needs. I am not wed to anything and I am open to all ideas. Let’s solve this issue together and as a result positively impact the lives of the Mommy Bloggers and PR agencies.
Now, let me address the situation that acted as a catalyst for this post. Diana is a Mommy Blogger who writes a blog called <blog name removed>. The good news is Diana did a great job naming her blog to represent her personality and the rage that clearly lives inside her. Jen, a much-loved Kel & Partners employee, pitched Diana on behalf of one of our clients. Jen is so kind-hearted that we often describe her by saying, “When Jen wakes up in the morning and opens the windows the birds start to sing and butterflies land on her shoulders.” I am not kidding when I tell you she has a heart that is filled with goodness. Back to the story — Jen sent a Mommy pitch on behalf of a client to Diana. Jen’s pitch not only included a $10 coupon — something most Mommy Bloggers love — but also offered a $20 gift card as a “giveaway.” Since Diana has a tab on her site called “Giveaways” Jen thought this would be of interest to her. Jen closed her email by saying “Let me know if you’re interested, and we’d love to work with you!” Little did Jen know that Diana was what can only be described as a lunatic. In response to Jen’s pitch, Diana went on a hatred-filled rant. It’s too long, narcissistic and delusional to repeat, but feel free to read it by clicking <link removed>. A more mature, respectful way to handle the situation would have been to simply reply to Jen’s email and ask to be removed from the pitch list. We totally respect if any blogger does not want to be pitched and appreciate a simple email like Katie at MarriageConfessions sent that kindly said “Please remove me from your mailing list. Thank you.” So simple.
Instead of sending a one line email to Jen, Diana chose to bully and anyone who reads my blog knows that I hate bullies. Her post is cyber bullying in high gear. She not only threatens to blog about this but goes on with the intent to not only intimidate Jen, but all PR people. I raised my children under the guiding principal of “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” Clearly Diana has never heard of this approach when addressing something that is bothering her.
It makes me smile when I think about the respect and appreciation we receive from media people at the best media outlets on the planet — Today Show, HuffingtonPost, Lucky Magazine, etc. I think Diana would benefit from taking a page out of their respect playbook and applying it to her own. Like most PR people, at Kel & Partners, our employees are wonderful human beings dealing with real life challenges. Two are Moms of autistic children, one had a baby diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer at 6 months of age, one was just told her mother has two months to live, one is successfully tackling a weight loss issue that put her in the category of morbidly obese, one has a son exhibiting symptoms of Tourettes syndrome, one is dealing with biopsies on a regular basis, and the list goes on. These people — and anyone for that matter — don’t deserve to be on the receiving end of a vile diatribe like the one Diana unleashed on Jen.
To all the Mommy Bloggers who don’t want to be pitched unless there is monetary compensation, please know that PR agencies love and respect you. The last thing we would want to do is be an irritant in your world. Most of us are champions of the underdog, a starting point for all bloggers, particularly the Mommies. We believe in the long-tail and at the end of the day, we believe the smaller bloggers are the heart and soul of today’s internet. The Mommy Bloggers represent a big part of that long tail. I would love to hear your thoughts on ways that we as a PR industry can better ensure we are only pitching the Mommy Bloggers who want to be pitched. Any short-term or long-term ideas are welcome.
To Jen and the rest of the kind-hearted PR peeps in our industry, I would appreciate any thoughts from you on how to make a positive change relative to the Mommy Elephant in the room. If we all work together, I know we can come up with a great solution to bring more happiness to the Mommy Bloggers and to our daily lives.
To Diana, rest assured you have been removed from our pitch list. I hope you try therapy. Kindness and compassion make for a happier life for everyone.
What are your thoughts on how to find a solution to the Mommy Elephant?
Please note: I welcome all comments and perspectives as long as they are delivered under an umbrella of respect. All disrespectful comments will be deleted. None of us need that negativity in our world.
May 20th, 2010 at 6:30 pm
Kel, thanks so much for posting this. While many have been blogging about this issue lately (mommy bloggers, PR bloggers, and others), I’m so glad you took the time to advocate for a productive solution that will benefit everyone involved. I know my coworkers and I would love to find a way to stop butting heads with the mommy bloggers, and my guess is that the mommy bloggers feel the same.
I, too, would love to see a harmonious resolution to the mommies vs. PR pros battle–one that allows both bloggers and PR pros to share the most helpful information with the targeted audiences who will find it relevant. Because at the end of the day, all people want to read is relevant, interesting, useful content, and I think there IS a way we can all work together to provide that in the blogosphere.
May 20th, 2010 at 6:31 pm
Thank you for so eloquently providing your perspective and taking a stand to defend our employees who are on the receiving end of such hatred and irrational slander. Just like the mommy bloggers are trying to make a living so are PR people who just want to do a good job each and every day on behalf of themselves, their employers and most of all their clients. It’s a shame that it turned into an us against them mentality and we all just can’t work together in a civil and collaborative manner. Hopefully, your post will act as a catalyst for change. Thanks Kel!
May 20th, 2010 at 6:38 pm
I just wanted to say that I would never expect monatary compensation for writing a review but I don’t feel comfortable writing a review for a company that I have never had any experience dealing with. I also don’t feel comfortable paying to write a review (two companies have contacted me asking me to send them $80+ to have the “honor” of writing a review for them).
I was under the impression that you had just asked her to write a review of a site that she had never used & didn’t offer a giveaway or a chance for her to try the product. Apparently that wasn’t the case and I feel horrible for assuming that was the truth. I hope you can find other (happily willing) mommy bloggers to do reviews!
May 20th, 2010 at 6:52 pm
It does seem, after reading both this post and Diana’s, that this is a problem and I applaud you for opening a discussion about a solution. However, Diana’s email back to Jen is far from a “vile diatribe” and is hardly worth calling her a lunatic for, or worth of the suggestion of therapy. I had nothing but respect for your thoughts till I got to those paragraphs. Although Diana was curt in her reply, she made a valid point. Other bloggers may not take the same perspective as Diana, but her response fairly represented her perspective and isn’t deserving of the abuse you gave her here.
May 20th, 2010 at 6:55 pm
Thank you, Kel! Thank you for putting it all out on the table. Now that the elephant in the room has been called out – it’s time that we all work together to find a solution (like the badge suggestion) rather than working against each other. Here’s to hoping that this post is the push that gets the ball rolling to finding that solution. Thank you for also mentioning the names of some of the mommy bloggers who we have build a trusted relationship with and look forward to working with again! I hope that the other Mommy Bloggers now understand where we are coming from as well.
May 20th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
First of all, Jen did write me back. And it was a very nice, very apologetic email. Which I planned on posting. I realized it wasn’t her fault, she is simply doign her job, and if I had a problem, I should have contacted the company that was wanting me to sell their product. Not her.
I wrote what happened with her email and many, many others I get on a daily basis. I am tired of opening my inbox to trickery and offers. Not that your email was trickery, but the same day I had 3 others that wouldn’t say what the product was, wanted me to write them them, call them, on and on.
If you read any part of my blog other than that post, you would know I am not rage filled or hateful. I do not spew hate. I am a mom with a little girl that loves to write, and am tired of constantly being pitched products and offers of things to do for companies with no reimbursement. So are a lot of other mommy bloggers.
If you find moms willing to do this for you – wonderful. That’s up to them. I’ve asked multiple times to be taken of mailing lists – and perhaps never one of yours. For that, I apologize.
I’m sorry to have made you as upset as you clearly are. I didn’t name your company or link to you in my post, so it bothers me that you did and with such slander. You probably won’t publish this, and that’s fine. I’m sorry you only see me as hate filled, when that was not my intent at all. I was just tired of the offers and gimicks.
May 20th, 2010 at 7:04 pm
Kel, good for you for taking a stand and taking the initiative to finding a positive solution to this issue. I completely agree with you – we can all work together on this to find the best, most productive solution. Communication is essential, we need to open up the lines, listen to each other and work with each other. Thank you for acknowledging this elephant in the room and opening up a dialogue where we can speak openly and honestly to truly work together in hopes to resolve such an unfortunate issue. As a PR person I must reiterate the respect we have for Mommy Bloggers. Thank you again for posting this, I hope we can all collaborate to find a productive solution together.
May 20th, 2010 at 7:23 pm
jessie, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. i think your perspective is aligned with the majority of the mommy bloggers in that they don’t expect monetary compensation for writing a review. this kind of follows the path traditional media outlets have been on for years. any reputable traditional media outlet would not get into a “pay for play” situation by selling editorial coverage as it would ruin their reputation. our challenge is that there is a subset of mommy bloggers who do seek monetary compensation and i pass no judgment on them. it’s their time and they can try to earn money in whatever way they feel appropriate. the pr industry’s challenge is that we have no visibility into who is expecting to be paid and who isn’t expecting compensation. as a result, many times we are caught in the cross hairs.
in the end, a one line email requesting they be removed off a pitch list would save everyone from unnecessary frustration. i’m all about spreading happiness over frustration. as moms we have enough chaos in our lives just trying to manage the kids! haha.
May 20th, 2010 at 7:26 pm
elisabeth, i love the words “harmonious resolution.” let’s hope this thread generates enough positive ideas that we are drowning in harmonious resolutions ’til the cows come home….or at least ’til our teenage kids come home…something every mom of a teenager is used to waiting for.
May 20th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
michelle, when i think of all the challenges that come with being a working mom, i think of you. you always put respect front and center no matter how crazy your life gets. i am so proud to have you as a representative of the k&p brand. hugs.
May 20th, 2010 at 7:32 pm
It is interesting to hear it from the “other side”, the PR side. And as mom bloggers, we do give a ton of free PR to many products, or write for a small compensation, such as a free bib or t-shirt. And many of us really believe in and support the companies we endorse. So on the flip side, the companies should at least know our names when they send us an email (I’m not referring to this specific instance, just in general) and should know our target audience etc. I get many emails that say dear ms or Dear Blogger (or are filled with typos) pitching products that if you read my blog for 5 minutes would realize would not fit my readership.
But you probably know this already, what prompted me to comment was that I appreciate hearing the PR side of things, but for you to publically bash Diana seems harsh and uncalled for. Her blog, material and story is really great, and I would hope that if I voice my opinions on my blog, that someone who feels differently would not post comments about assumptions to my mental health.
May 20th, 2010 at 7:43 pm
janelle, thanks for taking the time to share your perspective. while i disagree with you, i appreciate the respectful tone. respect always creates an atmosphere where resolutions can be found.
my issue was not only with diana’s response to jen, but the overall disrespect and attitude she threw at pr people. i would be interested to have you try something and let me know if this changes your perspective — it may not and that’s ok too. go through diana’s entire post and insert the word “janelle” every time she uses the word/s: pr, companies, these people, them, they and you. do you still feel the same way?
the only time i take on a bullying tone is when i am dealing with a bully. you are correct, my words were harsh and they were meant to be. i have found the only way to get a bully to back down is to go toe-to-toe with them. if you know of a better way, please let me know. i am open to suggestions.
on a side note, i also added a comment to diana’s blog asking the people who commented to share their ideas on how we can resolve the mommy elephant challenge. diana deleted my comment.
May 20th, 2010 at 7:47 pm
holly, i can’t tell you how many times i hear pr people talking about loving the mommy bloggers. they are a big part of why we love what we do. who doesn’t want to help a mom — a spread to thin, always puts her kids first, never takes enough time for herself woman. i hope we generate a lot of great ideas that will spread nothing but happiness for everyone.
May 20th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
Thanks for posting this, Kel! I think there is a fundamental breakdown here, in what mommy bloggers and all bloggers have become in the eyes of PR people (media outlets) and what some perceive themselves to be (small businesses). It honestly hurts my feelings that someone would say that I think of them as an “idiot” or “stupid” because I don’t have any budget to throw at them in exchange for a post. The implication that we as PR people are trying to take advantage of someone, or somehow dupe a person is hurtful – really, I love my clients and I think that other people will, too!
There is also a misundertanding, I think, about the difference between editorial and advertising. I don’t work for an ad agency – I don’t want to conrol the content you’re going to post, I’m reaching out hoping that you’ll take an interest in my client and will see it as something your readers might also be interested in. My hope is that it’s a “I scratch your back you scratch mine” situation, where I help you out with ideas for content, you help me out by giving my client some exposure.
I have friends that are bloggers and journalists – I know all about the crappy pitches that go out with incorrect names. Those stories make me cringe. But like someone else said – PR people are PEOPLE, just trying to make a living. My worst nightmare is spamming someone with info they don’t want.
I love the comments from bloggers – I hope you get more! Here’s to a bunch of smart, funny and talented women treating each other with respect and compassion!!
May 20th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
I find your post interesting from a PR perspective. But as Janelle said you lost me when you called Diana’s post a “vile diatribe”, obviously she was upset and feeling taken advantage of but there was nothing that would be considered “vile”. Maybe your employees need to phrase their emails in such a way that a mommy blogger that is not interested in doing reviews and giveaways without compensation will not be insulted.
I find it interesting that at the end of your post you state “Please note: I welcome all comments and perspectives as long as they are delivered under an umbrella of respect. All disrespectful comments will be deleted. None of us need that negativity in our world.”
Do you not see calling Diana a “lunatic” and recommending that she seek therapy to be negative? You mention being respectful in your post and yet you were not respectful to Diana in any way when you began to call her names. Explain to me how that is respectful?
Obviously you took her post very personally maybe that is an issue that you need to work on – I wont suggest therapy for you – because I truly think that is an insulting statement but it seems to me that while Diana was insulted by your companies pitch, you were obviously just as insulted by her post. And in my opinion responded with the same attitude that was reflected in Diana’s original post.
I will be interested to see if you post this response or if you are truly only posting those responses that back up your point of view.
I listed both my email and my website on your comment form – please do not add these to your mailing list as I did not do giveaways or reviews.
May 20th, 2010 at 7:58 pm
diana, thanks so much for your comment. believe it or not i appreciate your frustration. pr agencies are often times lumped into the same bucket as child molestors. it is unfortunate that a few bad apples can tarnish the reputation of an entire industry.
i wish you had just sent us an email and asked to be removed from the pitch list. in the spirit of honesty, there have been a few times when we have had a disconnect on our end and removed a blogger from one list and not realized they were on another list. so to some degree, i take responsibility for mistakes that have been made in ensuring a blogger was not pitched after a removal request. in the end, our intentions are always pure.
some goodness already came from this situation. the k&p team came up with the idea to include the following content in any pitches to mommy bloggers: “Our agency only represents companies that seek pure media coverage, and unfortunately are unable to pay for product reviews (namely for budgetary reasons.) If you do require a fee or other type of compensation for your reviews or giveaways, we fully understand, and respect the time and effort required for such posts. Just kindly let us know, and we will remove you from our media lists. Thank you!”
hopefully this is a step in the right direction. if you have any other ideas, please share them. we are looking to spread as much happiness as we can to everyone we interact with, particularly the moms!
peace.
May 20th, 2010 at 7:59 pm
jean, i think i heard people singing “kumbaya” in the background of your post. tee hee.
May 20th, 2010 at 8:06 pm
Kel,
This is a great post, and once again you’ve put the proverbial turd on the table. I had the opportunity to read the blog post from Hormonal Imbalances to be sure I got the full picture before making any commentary or judgement, and all I can say is “am I on candid camera?” My jaw dropped after reading her email to Jen.
Mommy Bloggers play an important role in the lives of many parents and provide a great service for valuable information and advice (as well as special offers). However, it’s scary to think that people (like me) who come to trust the opinions and insights of Mommy Bloggers, may be putting their trust in people like Diana, the Hormonally Imbalanced Mommy Blogger. Your point about sending a simple email asking to be removed from future emails seems like what most “reasonable human beings” would choose to do.
Not to make light of the situation, but Diana’s hatred and toxic email has the makings of a great movie on the Lifetime Channel: Diana – The Life of the Hormonally Imbalanced Mommy Blogger.
The net/net is the 80/20 rule probably applies here. 80+% of Mommy Bloggers are salt of the earth, and do a great job. In fact, I read them every day, and there are many I trust. In this case however, Diana gets the “she’s got the case of the crazies” award.
May 20th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
I appreciate your perspective and your dedication to your friend. However, your name-calling and indication that a person you do not know needs therapy is absolutely unneccessary. Your post would have been more effective absent the above.
May 20th, 2010 at 8:09 pm
harmskills, thanks for taking the time to comment. your comment about the bib made me laugh because a mommy blogger deserves so much more that a free bib for all the work she spends on her blog. the overwhelming majority of mommy bloggers deliver priceless content to their readers. as pr people, our hope is that we give you valuable content that will help drive traffic and in turn better allow you to monetize your site. in the end, that would be great for everyone.
as you can imagine with a name like “kel kelly” people are constantly screwing it up. i appreciate how frustrating it must be when it feels like you are on the receiving end of a mass email that has no personalization whatsoever. this happens to me a lot. i always get a chuckle when they think i am a man. haha!
i am happy to hear you enjoy diana’ blog as a blogger myself, i know that is what we all strive for.
as i mentioned in my comment above to janelle, the only time i take on a bullying tone is when i am dealing with a bully. i know my words were harsh. i know of no other way to get someone to back down from a full throttle assault.
i have already seen positive things come out of this situation. for that i am grateful.
May 20th, 2010 at 8:10 pm
Thank you for writing this. The movers and shakers like you who have the guts to bring these issues to the table are the ones who advance our industry. I hope the conversations continue from this post so we can reach an understanding. Also, I am really pumped that you included the names of just a few of the outstanding, hard working ladies that are so much fun to work with. And kudos to those who aren’t interested in working with us and simply request to be removed from a media list.
PS: @Jessie – A company asked *you* to pay *them* to write a review? Um…That’s crazy pants stuff. We never do that. I am happy to have you comment
May 20th, 2010 at 8:13 pm
I also need to comment on the many reply’s I see to the blog posts above and say, there is absolutely behavior exhibited by Diana that could/should be considered angry, and not simply frustration or being taken advantage of. Particularly the end of her post with the “fist pump” comment. It doesn’t get any angrier than that…unless she was referring to inseminating a female cow. In that case, I stand corrected.
May 20th, 2010 at 8:13 pm
I don’t see how what you have done here has helped. It has simply stirred the pot. I mean no disrespect – I don’t know you. Nor do I know Diana beyond occasionally reading her blog and following her on Twitter. I am not a “mommy blogger”. I am however in PR/Marketing/Sales.
The respectful thing to do would have been to privately deal with this matter. Perhaps from both sides. But at least Diana didn’t profess her belief in “respect” while assassinating another bloggers character with nothing to base it on than one blog post. I don’t recall Diana attacking Jen as a person – which is what happened here.
I can see both sides of the story – but I don’t agree with how it was handled. I realize that to be in the profession I am in, you must expect to occasionally catch your “target market” on a bad day. It’s similar to being a telemarketer in some ways. That is a hard job. Sure – we all get annoyed with the calls and a lot of us “let em have it” – but the people who call are just doing a job and don’t deserve a tongue lashing for making a living.
In this case – Jen was that telemarketer calling at dinner time. A less than desired response has to be expected from time to time. She was just doing her job and could not have seen that response coming. She did nothing wrong.
Diana was simply an irritated “mommy blogger” who had a bone to pick. She has an opinion to share and she did it in her own venue, without pointing fingers beyond a name.
You shared a name, a link, and talked about what a horrible person she was with no real substance to base it on. That was below the belt. Not only did you represent yourself in this post, you represented your employer and all of us in PR. All the while talking about what Diana did wrong.
You have done the same thing. Or worse.
Again, I mean no disrespect, but I – just like you – don’t like bullies. I can’t help but feel that this wasn’t necessary.
I hope that Jen didn’t take any of this too personally, again, she did nothing wrong. I do, however, hope that this can be used as an example of what not to do in the future.
I also hope that Diana is recovering from this assault on her as a person for doing something as American as voicing her opinion.
May 20th, 2010 at 8:20 pm
meagan, i’ll drink to that! think of all the bad stuff that goes on in the world because there has been a breakdown in communication. it’s so sad.
i was on the treadmill early this morning and a remake of john lennon’s “imagine” started playing on my ipod. the words really struck me:
imagine there’s no countries
it isn’t hard to do
nothing to kill or die for
and no religion too
imagine all the people
living life in peace
you may say that i’m a dreamer
but I’m not the only one
i hope someday you’ll join us
and the world will be as one”
call me crazy, but i have great hope that through better communication pr people and the media/bloggers can find harmony (as elisabeth so eloquently stated in her comment above).
May 20th, 2010 at 8:29 pm
christine, the only time i take on a bullying tone is when i am dealing with a bully. if you have a better approach let me know. impart your wisdom. i am all ears. i am also open to any ideas on how mommy bloggers and pr people can bring more happiness into our relationship. do you have any positive ideas on that subject? if so, please share them with this thread. as far as my therapy comment goes — i think therapy is a great way to work through any issues someone may have. i have been to therapy a couple of times in my life and love all that comes with seeing a good therapist. mental health is as important as physical health. i think you would be hard pressed to not hear anger in diana’s post. as i mentioned above, good things have already come from my post and that makes me happy.
May 20th, 2010 at 8:36 pm
francis, your inseminating a cow comment made me laugh. too funny.
May 20th, 2010 at 8:58 pm
Kel, thanks so much for your post, putting the spotlight on the elephant, and more importantly, trying to find a resolution that is a win-win. I’ve worked in the “client-service industry” for over 20 years in marketing, advertising, and PR roles. Needless to say, I’ve become pretty thicked-skinned. Like many in PR, I go to work everyday to go balls-to-the-walls to secure great coverage for my clients. We also work diligently to establish good trusting relationships with those we are reaching out to, and that includes the mommy bloggers. We try to do this by providing bloggers content that is relative to their audience, that will benefit the readers in some way (giveaways, discounts,tips, etc). After reading Jen’s pitch, it was clear she did offer a giveaway offer. So I’m actually confused by Diane’s post. To me, she was clearing looking to get a rise and some high-fives from her readers.
Like you, I have a great deal of respect for the majority of mommy bloggers. I value their advice, insight, and opinions. I’m also mindful of their time and consideration, and like many of my collegues, always end my pitches by saying “if you are not interested in receiving any further information on this client, just let me know and I’ll remove you from my outreach list” – so I give them an out. And I do receive many “please unsubscribe me” responses. That’s all it takes – 3 words.
Like Jen, I’ve been on the receiving end of a handful of nasty email responses from a small number of mommy bloggers looking to take out their daily frustrations on the faceless person they just received a pitch from. The majority of us – PR peeps, Mommy Bloggers, the lunch lady at my son’s elementary school, don’t work for the thrill of it, we do it to earn money to live. Me? I’m a single-working mother, often times working two jobs, commuting 3.5 hours a day to support my two young sons, one with severe learning disabilities and facing a lifetime of medical challenges.
So Kel, I commend you for sticking up for your employees, and laying it all on the table in hopes of finding a solution. And to all the Mommy Bloggers that may respond to your post (both positively or negatively), I kindly ask that you remember their is a living, breathing human-being on the receiving end of your email (or in Diane’s case, her tirade).
My point? If you don’t want to receive pitches from certain PR people, about certain clients, be respectful and professional enough to just cut and paste this into your reply “please unsubscribe me.”
Sound good?
May 20th, 2010 at 9:07 pm
deirdre, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. you would have to be thick skinned to survive 20 years in a client-service industry. your point about the three words “please unsubscribe me” is very powerful. thanks for taking the time to post. i appreciate your insight.
May 20th, 2010 at 9:11 pm
To say that this matter should have been dealt with privately is an understatement.
I do not know you, but I do “know” Diana and I would say that she is as kind hearted as this Jen you describe.
I do not consider myself a Mommy blogger, rather a mom who blogs. I do receive a lot of pitches to review products and I accept a lot of them because a lot of the things that are pitched to me are things I need anyways. Recently I was pitched sunscreen for my 8 month old, which was awesome because we needed that anyways. When it arrived, it was a sample size, which was slightly disappointing, because how am I supposed to try something and review it without using it over a period of time?
I do not expect to be compensated for writing reviews of things. I, in fact, openly write reviews when I find something I love, without ever expecting anything in return.
Anyways, I think the issue here is that she was pitched something that really did not go with her readership and her lifestyle. I always prefer that before someone contacts me about a product, they read my blog. I would not want to be contacted about reviewing something that I cannot try out.
If I had been contacted about reviewing what Diana was contacted about, I would have felt slighted as if the person had not read my blog—I have an 8 month old, not a 5-12 year old.
I can see both sides, but like I said, this should have been handled privately, not broadcast all over the internet.
To say that your response was incredibly tactless is an understatement.
May 20th, 2010 at 9:14 pm
I have no clue who either of you are. It seems that may be she could have just ignored your email like I do, or politely asked to be removed. However, the way you are talking about her seems far worse than her letter. Kind of childish. Be the bigger person. Talk about it but don’t call her out like that. Mommy Bloggers also obviously like DRAMA.
May 20th, 2010 at 9:29 pm
Kel — Today I find myself more thankful than ever that I work at K&P. While some may have found your post somewhat harsh, I found it refreshing. I thank you for not only for putting the mommy elephant on the table, but for always being an advocate for each and every one of us in the PR industry. Your perspective, wisdom and eloquence in delivering a powerful message never ceases to amaze me. You rock!
May 20th, 2010 at 10:47 pm
alissa, thanks for taking the time to comment and for defending diana. it’s hard to read her post and think “kindness.” however, i do appreciate her apology and have subsequently removed the links to her blog. have fun with your 8 month old. remember not to blink or the next thing you know he/she will be in college.
May 20th, 2010 at 10:48 pm
thanks for schooling me katie. i appreciate it.
May 20th, 2010 at 10:49 pm
Kel, I’ve never visited your site before, and although I am a blogger who works with PR companies, I don’t believe I’ve ever been contacted by your company. From what little I’ve read tonight you seem like a person who promotes positivity, and I appreciate that you’re looking to open a constructive dialogue between bloggers and PR companies.
However:
What you just wrote about Diana (whose blog I have read, she’s lovely by the way) was vicious. It was a personal attack in which you came off [at least, to me] full of anger and negativity aimed squarely at Diana. Diana’s post, and maybe more importantly, her email to Jen, was in no way vicious or personal.
The fact that Jen emailed Diana back so graciously speaks volumes.
The fact that you saw fit to skewer Diana and make public assessments of her mental health, on the other hand, is pretty upsetting. As a blogger, it’s unsettling to think that the PR reps with whom we often share personal, private information during the course of business would respond in such a public inflammatory way to an otherwise civil disagreement.
Diana makes an excellent point. Your company wasn’t called out in her post. Her blog (and character) was called out in yours.
As for proposed solutions to the Mommy Elephant, I respond best when it’s clear that the person contacting me has at least spent 5-10 minutes reading my blog, checking out my reviews page, and taking note of basic key information such as my name, geographical location (don’t try to sell me a goose down sleep sack in July if I live in Florida) and the age/gender of my child.
It rubs me the wrong way when I’m sent an email addressed “Dear Blogger” but not nearly as much as when I’m sent spam – just because my contact is available on my site, does not mean that I want to be placed on your client’s mailing list. (On the flip side, I might actually be interested in receiving that mailing list if you contact me, introduce yourself, and ask me first.)
I really dislike when I’m not given any details about the product or client being represented, but am asked to give out information about my site, readership, etc. to see if we’re a good match. I’m certainly not inclined to share confidential information about my business, if you aren’t willing to share even the most basic information about yours (product/company name, etc.).
I didn’t get into blogging to work with brands and PR reps so I think for a lot of us bloggers it’s trial by fire. I try to run my blog like a business, so I do my best to always be courteous and prompt in my replies whether or not I’m buying what you’re selling.
That said, you might catch me on a bad day and not like the tone of my reply, or I might not respond to your email as fast as you’d like when my kid is teething, or I’m on a deadline for work. If PR reps can remember that they’re not always dealing with people who are in the business of being pitched, and bloggers can remember that so long as they’re accepting/soliciting these types of opportunities their blog is a small business, then I think we’ll all get along just fine.
May 20th, 2010 at 10:50 pm
diane, i feel lucky to be surrounded by good-hearted, accountable and fun women like you. thanks for bringing so much happiness to my world.
May 20th, 2010 at 10:54 pm
(updated to add – Kel, I see now that you removed her links. My apologies, I hadn’t refreshed the page before leaving my comment.)
May 20th, 2010 at 11:02 pm
morgan, i like your style. you appear to call ‘em like you see ‘em. thanks for all the great insight on proposed solutions to the mommy elephant situation. i think anyone in pr would find your thoughts quite helpful.
i think your point about linking to diana’s blog is valid. the links have been removed.
good luck with the teething. although it has been many, many years since my kids were teething, i remember the helpless feeling all too well. have faith, it does go away.
May 20th, 2010 at 11:10 pm
Obviously, there’s a lot of room for discussion on both ends of the spectrum. While being paid to write a post for money might not jive with traditional media, the fact of the matter is that a lot of us “mommy bloggers” are paying the mortgage doing this with integrity. Also, and I don’t want to sound like I’m beating the drum of war, I personally hate the term “mommy blogger”. I really feel patronized and demeaned when I hear it from my PR peeps. That being said, 80% of my PR pitches come from people I end up having a relationship with in the end. They’re people, I’m people, and hey! let’s figure out a way to work together.
Interesting article.
Allison from Petit Elefant
May 20th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
allison, your comment made me laugh. thanks for that. it’s interesting that you don’t like the label “mommy blogger.” most women wear it like a badge of honor, kinda like “soccer mom.” anyhoot, i know my team loves working with you. we will continue to send you fresh, relevant content to help with that mortgage situation. thanks for all the positive vibes you bring into k&p’s world. hearts.
May 20th, 2010 at 11:27 pm
angie, while i respect your perspective, i don’t agree that diana had done “nothing offensive.” not sure anything i say will change your perspective so i won’t try.
on a different note, our clients don’t give us a budget to buy publicity. regardless of what you think, the reality is that we are hired to secure pure, unpaid media coverage.
finally, clearly you don’t know me well. i don’t back down on anything i believe in. i do however do the right thing. in light of diana’s apology, the right thing to do was take down the links to her blog. at this point, it serves no purpose.
May 21st, 2010 at 12:04 am
Kel,
While I understand that your post was meant to “stir the pot” and open a dialogue between mommy bloggers and PR companies, I think the way in which you chose to do it was poorly executed.
As a mommy blogger, I understand where Diana was coming from. It IS exhausting to be pitched products that have nothing to do with your blog- I myself have received several pitches where I can hardly believe that I am being asked to support that particular product, some God-awful product that I would never purchase for myself.
That being said, I agree with what was said above and what Diana posted in response to your blog. She should have contacted your company directly and she subsequently apologized.
Although you were trying to do good with your post, it certainly doesn’t excuse the way you responded and the name calling. You say that Diana was bullying Jen? And your name calling was… what?
Pot, meet kettle.
May 21st, 2010 at 5:50 am
alyssa, do you have any suggestions on how the mommy bloggers and pr agencies can work better to overcome the mommy elephant issue? i would be interested to hear your ideas. as far as my tone, i become a bully when dealing with a bully.
May 21st, 2010 at 8:18 am
i received a hilarious email from a pr person in los angeles. she said she feared being flamed by the “bitter bloggers” posting nasty comments on this post, so she didn’t want to leave comment. she asked me to post her tips for improving the mommy elephant situation:
1. Delete emails – it’s only a click a way
2. “Please unsubscribe me” feeling bitching “Remove please”
3. Remember there is a human on the other end of the computer
4 Ask yourself, have I ever made a mistake (in reference to Jen emailing a mommy blogger with a 5 month old)
5. Feel like climbing on the high-horse and ripping someone a new one, a fist pump, a chest bump? Take a chill, and a stroll throw your local pediatric cancer center. Puts everything into perspective.
6. Relax
May 21st, 2010 at 8:32 am
For those who said that Diana’s post was not a personal attack against me, I’m going to assume they missed the “You go girl! Way to tell her off!” comments on Diana’s blog, and particularly the line that said “love the email you sent her–perfect mixture of educational and you’re an idiot.” I feel as though I was used as the punching bag for an industry’s grief, and regardless of whether that was the intention – I did, in fact, take it personally, and the harsh words from all of these women stung.
I would like point out that a few bloggers belittled the giveaway offer in my pitch to Diana, referring to it as “white noise.” I think there is a misunderstanding that our clients are some sort of corporate behemoths that are trying to take advantage of mommy bloggers for free & quick coverage. The reality is that our clients are most often startups (many started by hard working and talented moms too), which have very limited budgets. They offer as much as they possibly can to show their appreciation for the tremendous amount of time & effort that bloggers put into their posts, and to help provide their readers with valuable information and – when possible – products or giveaways.
Believe me when I say that we fully understand and appreciate all of your efforts as bloggers, and also your need to try a product before you share it with your readers who trust and value your opinion. But, I also ask that you please understand that although a $20 gift card might be “white noise” to you, it’s a huge investment on the part of another mom who’s chosen to start her own business. If you feel as though this wouldn’t be of interest to your readers, just politely tell us “no.” There is just no need for such harsh words.
Kel – You have gone to bat for an employee in a way I never could have imagined, and I will be eternally grateful. Thank you.
May 21st, 2010 at 8:54 am
Disclaimer: I’m not in PR, I’m not a blogger, and I’m not an internet expert. That said, mommy bloggers get FREE ideas/topics to write about from PR people. Free. Free content that allows them to continue writing and expanding their readership. Free content that makes them relevant to some people and KEEPS them relevant to others. When a blogger’s “product” becomes worthless without new content, people are not going to keep “consuming” it. If you want to make a living blogging (to which I say a hearty GOOD LUCK!) go do it for website that will pay you to write! You’re not the only innovative person out there! There are thousands of you – and if you have a huge following, it’s because you’re fun and you keep your content up to date, relevant, and meaningful to your readers. Take pride in that. But recognize that coming up with ideas is hard work – that maybe this week you’ll need a little help sounding off on something new, and that PR folks HELP you keep your readership. That, in the end, for the vast, vast majority of people, blogging IS NOT A JOB. It’s a pasttime to make friends, expose others to great new ideas, and commiserate about the joys and perils of potty training.
Ms. Kelly, I think that you’re website branding idea is absolutely correct. People deserve to know when pay-for-play is going on, and should have a choice whether to consume such content. It’s called advertising, and its the reason I bought a DVR. Some PR person pitching an idea ( a free topic) to someone who looks for new content to write about every day or week? Seems to me that’s a writers workshop…
May 21st, 2010 at 8:58 am
jen, nobody deserves to be treated the way you were when a simple email would have resolved everything. i love your heart. you are an outstanding employee. i’m sorry you were on the receiving end of this. hugs.
May 21st, 2010 at 8:58 am
This is obviously a very complicated issue and one that needs to be worked on within the industry. I, at least, applaud having an open conversation about the issues and moving openly towards a solution.
SOLUTIONS ARE NOT FOUND IN CONFLICT
..rather with open and honest discussion. It’s called being mature.
I also believe that respect needs to permeate all business (with maybe the people who call you at 8pm when you are on the no call list). There is no reason to be rude, there is no reason to be an asshole. EVER.
May 21st, 2010 at 9:08 am
dk, thanks for your comment. it is amazing to me that someone outside the pr industry is able to boil it down and net it out so simply. it is so much better to approach this issue collaboratively. it is impossible for one group to succeed without the other.
May 21st, 2010 at 9:11 am
jan, thanks for your support. war would not exist if people would just work together to resolve their issues. at the same time, i believe in my heart of hearts that bullying and intimidation should not be tolerated. i reiterate my point that a simple email response to jen would have prevented this whole situation. if only averting war were so simple.
May 21st, 2010 at 9:25 am
Kel,
I think your comments about coming up with a solution to this clearly important issue should be applauded. These are not easy issues to bring up, but clearly there are opinions on both side of the table. I hope the conversation continues.
May 21st, 2010 at 9:41 am
I think d.k. said it best, for the vast majority of bloggers, it’s a pastime not a job. For those who look want to get paid for writing about a story that gets sent their way, they should consider finding a position writing for a website, or to your point have some sort of badge on the blog that indicates it’s a pay for play site. I totally get wanted to be compensated, but it seems to me your agency did offer a special offer to this blogger. I don’t understand why she chose to go on the attack. Can’t we all just get along?
May 21st, 2010 at 10:00 am
I actually had to re-read Diana’s post because I was confused. She clearly was trying to use her blog as a platform to share her frustrations about being pitched material that is not relevant to blog, and in doing so, DID bash this PR rep! Don’t try to back peddle Diana, you did – and I’m guessing you felt really cool & popular amongst your fellow bloggers who gave you fist pumps! Reminds me of the Brady Bunch episode where Jan was willing to do “anything” to be voted “Most Popular Girl”.
It doesn’t state anywhere on her site that she only talk to moms who have kids the same age as your adorable little one. I’m going to guess that a few of her readers do in fact have kids within the 5 – 12 age range… don’t you think? If not, I stand corrected. But if so, this information may have been of interest to them.
And maybe I’m crazy, but she WAS offered a discount code to share and a gift card, right?
Regardless,she was lashing out at a PR person because she felt this person made a mistake by pitching to her. Oh Diana, consider yourself fortunate that something as innocent as that is your biggest issue of the day.
And, I’d like to ask everyone, raise your hand if you’ve never made a mistake in your life?
I thought so.
LOVE the comment about taking a chill and a stroll through your local pediatric cancer center – so true! I think we all need a reality slap once and a while to remind us of what is most important in life!
I wish Diana good luck removing the “Idiot Tattoo” off her forehead. I hope it’s the washable kind.
LGC
May 21st, 2010 at 10:36 am
bostontravel — it’s too bad that so much of this thread is ongoing mud slinging instead of idea generation. i’m with you. let’s get the conversation focused on a positive outcome. life is too short.
May 21st, 2010 at 10:40 am
lily, i admire your courage for posting exactly how you feel. i have received a tsunami of private emails from pr people who are afraid to comment because they are concerned there will be backlash from the angry bloggers on this thread and/or unfortunately from their own pr agency. that is very telling. nobody should live in fear.
May 21st, 2010 at 10:48 am
boston foodie, have i mentioned i love food?! thanks for advocating on behalf of jen and pr in general. i heard a great saying once that “we are all just squirrels trying to get a nut.” it is so true. mommy bloggers want to be compensated for their work. seems reasonable. media peeps just want to get recognized for great stories. seems reasonable. clients want to grow their brands. seems reasonable. pr agencies want to secure coverage for their clients. seems reasonable. i go back to my original point — a simple email would have prevented this mess. i don’t care how many people pig pile on me (bring it!), i will never stand by and let one of my employees — or anyone for that matter — get bullied. and yes, i will bully back as it is the only way to be heard in that situation. ’nuff said.
May 21st, 2010 at 10:50 am
Way to go, Kel! Anyone that knows Kel will note two things – first and foremost, she loves her employees and will not stand by while they are mistreated, by either clients or media/bloggers. There’s another post on here about Kel resigning accounts because they were treating her staff poorly. Who does that? To everyone that is saying that Kel was unfairly harsh while taking Diane to task – ask yourself if you would stand by and watch the people you love and respect (and yes, employ) being mistreated in a public space. Would you?
And lest anyone fail to notice -the blogger DID leave the company name in her post.
Secondly, and I apologize if I’m getting too personal – Kel is an amazing, amazing mother. And she has amazing, amazing children – kind, respectful and actually just an all around joy to be around! Her children are fantastic citizens of the world, something they learned from their mother. Anyone questioning her mothering (or how she was mothered for that manner) need only check out her Facebook page and Tweeter feed to get a taste of what kind of engaged, proud and loving parent she is.
Yes, I know Kel personally and respect and admire her greatly. This post and her response to the comments she’s received have done nothing but increase that respect and admiration. We’d all be lucky if we had bosses so willing to go to bat for us. Go momma bear, go!
May 21st, 2010 at 11:05 am
I find this discussion rather boring due to the fact that Kel has deleted all of the comments that do not agree with her. How about we talk about the basics here – most mommy bloggers blog to talk about their children, relate to other women and find a community. How much would it hurt to have someone leave a comment saying – “your blog isn’t worth me reading for 30 seconds, but I would love it if you could do me a favor and help me win the favor of a client?” When someone pitches me for a produc for a five year old girl (I received the same email.) and I have a nine month old baby, I instantly think, do us both a favor, read my blog for 10 seconds and don’t waste my time. It’s very unprofessional looking on behalf of the PR company & the individual exectutive. This post tells me that they do this because their own boss doesn’t value mommy-bloggers enough to tell them to take the time to read the blogs.
May 21st, 2010 at 11:09 am
It seems as though there we three options here:
1) Let the employee who send the blog post out feel horrible about doing her job,
2) Do nothing
3) Bring the issue to light, no matter how polarizing
I think Kel did the right thing here, as difficult as some of the replies have been to read. The fact is, this seems to be a real issue for both sides, and by the way, both sides have valid arguments. Let’s try to come up with a solution, which clearly is the intent of the post Kel wrote about.
Diana I am sure is a great blogger, and I am certain her fans love her. However, the fact is, if I was on the receiving end of the email she sent to Jen, I would have felt pretty crumby and deflated for the great work I was trying to do for my client and the readers of Diana’s blog. I would kill to have a boss like Kel who not only supported the work of her team, but also had the courage to stick her neck out on the line to take criticism for her beliefs and share it with the world. I only wish more people were that honest and open.
Lets try to get back to Kel’s point for posting this blog, what do you think a good solution is for bloggers who want to get paid for posting product information on their site? What’s a PR agency to do?
May 21st, 2010 at 11:16 am
thanks yvonne! the good news is my kids say more about me than i could ever say about myself.
May 21st, 2010 at 11:23 am
anonymous, there are plenty of negative comments on this thread. i deleted yours the second you made a comment about my mother — who is deceased and missed every day of the year. what kind of human being does that? (yes, i know it is you because your photo appears with each comment) your comment above is so ridiculous it doesn’t deserve a response from me. my team has positive interactions with thousands of mommy bloggers and we love them. be part of the solution. i haven’t heard anything positive out of your mouth. i could care less if you think it is unprofessional. i will never stand by and allow anyone i love to be bullied. call me whatever you want.
May 21st, 2010 at 11:30 am
This post really serves two purposes. First and foremost, it calls out the need to find a solution to the “pay-for-play” conundrum. If a Mommy Blogger wants to be compensated for sharing content , which is her right, what is the best way to communicate it? To this point, I have not seen anyone – blogger or PR professional — offer a solution. So, thank you for recognizing the need but more importantly, thank you for actually publicly offering a solution so that we can all join the conversation. I think an industry-generated and approved mark like a badge is brilliant. Mommy Bloggers, what do you think? PR professionals, what can you do? Should there be a disclaimer on all pitches? Secondly, your post accurately and painfully calls out a disturbing trend in (select) Mommy Blog behavior. I have known friends – really kind, compassionate people — in the PR industry who have been threatened to be “exposed” by a Mommy blogger for simply stating an opinion, or threatened to be black-balled after failing to “apologize” appropriately for a misguided pitch, or one who was even told to “fuck off” because the Mommy Blogger had no interest in a pitch sent. I’m pretty sure when a PR professional contacts a Mommy Blogger it’s with the intent of offering information or insight that the blogger will find useful for her audience. It’s certainly not with the intent to be malicious, hateful or undermining. So, why is it okay for a Mommy Blogger to threaten or use such caustic, malicious sarcasm when communicating with a PR professional? I honestly have to think that any mother – blogger, account manager, doctor, Kmart worker, etc. — would be livid if someone spoke to her son or daughter in such a manner. I know that I lead by example: I treat everyone with respect but I stick up for the innocent. You did the right thing to stick up for Jen. You did the right thing to bring attention to this emerging behavior of belittling and threatening. You did the right thing to ground the conversation in trying to find a solution. And you do the right thing in acknowledging the thousands of intelligent, kind and compassionate Mommy Bloggers that continue to serve a greater good while maintaining the grace and dignity taught to them by their own moms.
May 21st, 2010 at 11:32 am
No comment was ever made in reference to your mother on my behalf. However, I am curious to hear what is so ridiculous about asking someone to read your blog for 30 seconds before they email you? Because really, that’s the fuel that started Diana’s blog post.
May 21st, 2010 at 11:33 am
mary, thanks for bringing it back around to the real issue. btw, your point about how others would have felt about being on the receiving end of that email and/or post is quite profound. i’m sure they would not have stood by and allowed themselves to be bullied. maybe they would have allowed their employees to be bullied. i sure in the heck will not. my mantra: “show up. pay attention. speak the truth. hold no cherished outcome.” if i lived in fear of this retaliation i would never have responded so honestly. i don’t live in fear. all of this doesn’t affect my world. this moment is as it should be. interestingly enough i have had 3 new biz leads come in in under 24 hours from people who find my honesty refreshing and find the bullying disgusting. all things happen for a reason….
May 21st, 2010 at 11:36 am
ginny…and that is why i love you…
May 21st, 2010 at 12:14 pm
As a PR person, here are my ideas:
#1 – Most if not all of my clients Tweet and FB links to the blog mentions they get. They also post links on their site back to the blog that has mentioned them. This adds value for the bloggers that post about them. As a PR person, I pledge to work with all of my clients to encourage them to all do this every single time they get a blog mention. (As an aside – I love being “friends” with bloggers on FB! If you friend me, I will interact with your posts and giveaways that aren’t about my client to help draw attention to your blog and increase opportunities for you to have new readers).
#2 – There is a big difference I think between bloggers that accept product/discounts/giveaways for review, and those that ask for cash in exchange for a post. Since bloggers are now required to disclose when they are compensated for a post, I think a badge is a FANTASTIC idea – one I whole-heartedly support. I think that would do a lot to remove frustration from the bloggers we pitch and feel undervalued because we don’t have budget to pay for advertising/are not an ad agency.
#3 – “PR Friendly” – there are a lot of blogs out there that designate themselves as “PR friendly” with tabs or banners. If you are the type that likes to find things to recommend to readers on your own, I totally respect that – I wonder if a “PR, no thanks” tab or something like that would help to cut down on the number of unwanted pitches going to bloggers? I can’t speak for all PR people, but if I saw something like that I certainly wouldn’t spam the blogger.
We don’t always have clients that have something to sample or giveaway. We definitely don’t have clients that can pay cash for a blog post. My question to bloggers is what else can we be doing to add value to you, to respect your time and effort and make it worthwhile to mention our clients?
May 21st, 2010 at 12:44 pm
Wow, what great wisdom recently posted by both Meagan and Ginny. I like the idea of a badge. It’s funny…my boyfriend just pointed out to me the other day the cars in Mass that have the little blue stripe sticker on the back of them to designate that they are an officer or an officer’s friend…so basically, it’s like a “don’t ticket me!!” signal. Why not a “don’t pitch me!!” signal? I mean, why not? That’s fair. Even journalists who are listed in databases like Cision or MMI sometimes have the “so and so is not a PR contact” line or some line about not wanting to be contacted by PR professionals. That’s totally fine…
BUT! Say something slips through the cracks and they still get contacted. Maybe an email from some doesn’t-know-any-better-entry-level-peon or intern or (or maybe even a seasoned professional who is having an off day) slips through and they receive a pitch. Alright, it’s a mistake. That person is only human and we all make mistakes. A simple, direct, “take me off your list” is all that is needed. So you received an annoying email. There are bigger fish to fry in this world and life is much too short to get this worked up. There are sick babies and wars and our freaking ocean is like, bleeding oil right now. There are worse things in the world than an annoying email. Let’s get some perspective.
May 21st, 2010 at 2:30 pm
I’m a “mom” with 5 children, the founder and CEO of a small company and a Kel & Partner’s client. Since I’m the reason that K&P may be contacting bloggers, I wanted to weigh in on the conversation.
First, I wanted to say that K&P has been our PR company for 2 years, and they are very good at what they do, and are hardworking, straightforward and nice people that I enjoy working with.
I deliberately hired a PR agency (and not an advertising agency) to help our company. Why? Because consumers, especially savvy Mom’s, don’t trust paid advertising and paid advertorials (disguised to look like unbiased editorials). Mom’s like us rely on friends, family and the folks on the internet (like the Mommy Bloggers that we trust) to give us the real scoop. BTW, I don’t understand why anyone would not like the title of “Mommy Blogger” since this means you are one of us who is giving her time to share!
Regarding the issue of paying for reviews, this is a BIG no no. If the PR agency pays for an opinion or review, the independence and credibility of the review has just been gutted. So, K&L cannot pay for a review. They can offer to send free product (for testing so a legitimate review can be done), giveaways and prizes for your readers, but they cannot pay a blogger or they would be in trouble with me, the client.
I am not complaining and it is a cost of business, but I hope folks realize that it isn’t easy for a small company to give away free product. Not only do we pay for the products given away, but the costs of handling and shipping the products, especially the shipping to homes which have about a 25% surcharge. And… this does not always result in a review, let alone a favorable review.
If we don’t pay bloggers to review the product, why should I as a business woman expect you, as a blogger, to review the product? And am I being disrespectful of your time to expect you to do so? I don’t think so because I am offering you content to write about for your followers, which is, I believe your raison d’être as a blogger. If you don’t want to do a review, just say no. Or for that matter, if the email you receive just pisses you off, hit the delete button. Frankly, I get hundreds of emails in my inbox (yes hundreds even with my spam filter) that I just delete; this is just the price we pay for being connected.
As to Kel taking umbrage for believing that Jen was attacked by Diana’s post? Well, I guess this is the mother in all of us who will take on anyone that we believe has unfairly struck out at someone in the family; and yes, Kel considers her employees to be family. So, from reading the back and forth on Kel’s and Diana’s blog, I think the mother in all of us was poked and hackles came up. There was a misunderstanding and all should be forgiven. The upside of all of this, is that the Mommy Elephant was uncovered and now it can be addressed.
I hope my comments help the conversation.
a K&P Client
May 21st, 2010 at 3:15 pm
I think there is another, perhaps deeper, underlying problem which Kel brings to light here. As a web developer, blogger, tweeter, facebooker, linkedin-er, etc – I am well aware that I live (at least the professional side of) my life out in the open. I am actively aware, that as soon as I publish something online, it not only erases any sense of privacy for that issue, but also opens me up for discussion. For that reason, I am a sounding board, and a vehicle for opportunity to some.
In the development world, that translates to my getting calls from recruiters almost relentlessly. It also means that I am pitched an infinite number of “next cool thing” startup ideas.
Are these people trying to take advantage of me? Of course they aren’t. They are trying to do their jobs, and/or take their ideas to the next level. Can it get annoying? Of course it can. But I try with all my might to always treat each situation with respect.
The Mommy Bloggers are perhaps one of the MOST important and vocal groups of bloggers out there. Their voice is undeniable and an amazing resource to mothers/fathers everywhere. But as soon as the Mommy Bloggers begin to have a following, they need to realize that they are now a vehicle which others (in this case PR agencies) will want to carry their information. There is NOTHING wrong with this. In fact, a Mommy Blogger inundated with PR agencies reaching out, should realize that this is a sign that her blog is not only becoming successful, but also has potential to generate revenue.
This brings me to my next point, which is that I honestly think it is entirely valid for a Mommy Blogger to expect compensation to review a product. If a PR agency contacts a Mommy Blogger about reviewing something, and that Mommy Blogger expects compensation, I would think that approaching the situation professionally would be the way to go. If it were me, I would have a stock, “these are my terms for product review” email which contains any expected compensation terms and a polite thank you. If the PR agency doesn’t have any compensation to offer, then hopefully they will leave it at that. But if they do NOT leave it at that, of course, that is another story.
I have the great please of knowing what kind of company Kel & Partners is, and even further, how genuinely Kel cares for every employee she has. A public assault (in any capacity) on one or more of Kel’s employees is tantamount to a declaration of all out war. We should all be so lucky as to have a boss that cares this fully for her employees.
At the end of the day, I think this entire situation serves as a brilliant opportunity to affect positive change on both the Mommy Blog and the PR industries. Personally, I would love to see podcast with Kel, Diana and other interested/influential parties sounding off on how to make the web a better place for Mommy Blogger and PR Agencies alike. With this many smart people, why not harness that intelligence and put it to good use.
May 21st, 2010 at 4:25 pm
After reading through your post and the comments I had to check out the blogger’s blog post for myself. My mouth is literally stuck open from the closing line, “And – I’ll be blogging about this. Thanks.” How unnecessary! Kudos to you for sticking up for your employee. I also loved that your client weighed in.
May 22nd, 2010 at 5:43 pm
Jen is actually really nice. I got her pitch and inquired about a review to test the item in question and she responded w/ the allowed amount for her client. Unfortunately it didn’t fit my needs, so I passed, however she understood and i still consider it a great contact should I want to work with her in the future.
Im not sure calling out her particular pitch was worth the pain of it all…..there are plenty that are plain horrific.
Overall if a pitch doesnt interest me, I just pass on to a blogger that may benefit or trash.
~trisha
May 22nd, 2010 at 5:58 pm
Very Well said. She could have easily just deleted the email and moved on. I have never worked with Jen, but from the sounds of it she is super sweet and maybe one day I will have the opportunity to work with her on something.
Jen, Keep doing what you are doing and do not let the hate stop you from being who you are.
May 22nd, 2010 at 6:09 pm
While I don’t necessarily agree with the post that was written originally (by the mommy blogger), I do find this responsive blog to be really discouraging. And to see it be written by someone representing a PR firm makes it even more discouraging. As mommies and women we have enough people judging and bringing us down. Shouldn’t we instead try to support and encourage one another in the best way possible? Haven’t we all had a bad day and been in one another’s shoes? And to finish off the blog by suggesting the blogger get therapy, is really sad. I think a more appropriate way of addressing her blog would have been not to write a response to her first blog and instead written the blog more positively by asking for suggestions in bettering your pitches. Yea, some people would have read her blog and agreed to her, but by writing this blog you’ve probably created a bigger elephant than if you had just ignored her and probably given the woman you think needs therapy even more notoriety than she deserved.
That being said, I understand companies can’t always give freebies to moms who blog. It would probably be nice but not feasible all the time. Maybe the email initially being pitched needs to be a little more thorough in addressing what is being needed by the blogger. I.E, We aren’t able to offer you any freebies but by working together we hope that we can both benefit from the advertising you would provide.
May 22nd, 2010 at 7:56 pm
I am a “mommy blogger” and I receive a lot of pitches in my email every single day. What differentiates these pitches one from another is one simple thing: TIME.
Some PR people take the TIME to actually look at my blog and get to know who I am as a PERSON. Their pitches are well received and most likely acted upon.
Other PR people send a form letter that is not personal at all and to be honest those can be insulting. These people take NO TIME to get to know who I am or what my blog is about. And quite frankly, if you can’t take five minutes to look around my blog and get a feel for who I am, I have NO TIME for your stupid pitch. That’s also when the delete button comes in handy.
My advice to PR is to get to know each blogger before sending out pitches. Then you won’t need a button to tell you whether they are PR friendly or not. Or if you really can’t tell from reading their blog, a simple email that asks us if they are PR friendly would suffice.
See how simple that all is? PR – Take some TIME (you get paid for your time right?!?) and get to know each of us that you want to work with. Bloggers-Take the TIME to respond to the PR people who took the TIME to get to know you. As for the other PR people who won’t bother to get to know you. IGNORE THEIR PITCHES and use the DELETE BUTTON.
May 23rd, 2010 at 7:54 am
The proper thing for the blogger to have done was to just ignore and delete – though after reading her blog post I don’t think her return e-mail to Jen was worthy of this unprofessional diatribe by Kel. It shows poor judgment on Kel’s part. I can understand being frustrated, but share your frustration with Jen over a Starbucks, or in a morning meeting.
As a blogger, yes, it sucks to get pitches for products that have NO relevance to us. I get multiples daily. But I delete. It’s not worth my energy to reply. It WOULD be nice if PR could take a quick minute to look at each blog to see if the pitch would be worth sending, but I know we don’t have that kind of time in our day.
Bottom line, in my opinion Diana should have deleted and moved on – BUT, Kel should have left this alone. It speaks poorly of your professionalism, especially calling someone a lunatic and suggesting therapy over something like this. I didn’t see any hint of mental illness in Diana’s post, and I’m a health professional.
Diana was big enough to apologize, now maybe Kel should be big enough to apologize for being over the top.
May 23rd, 2010 at 8:07 am
I’ll admit I didn’t read all the responses because they started to regurgitate the same information. What I didn’t see mentioned is how bloggers feel about writing about the products they are pitched. Let’s face it, to write about a product is an ADVERTISEMENT. It’s not an editorial. People pay for ADS. Quite frankly, if I’m not being compensated for my time to write an AD in some way, either by the product to review or monetary payment, then I’m not posting an AD. Every time a blogger posts an AD, the company gets links, SEO juice, and archived into Google. The information is out there forever more. It’s not like print where the ad goes out and then it’s gone. I think the breakdown is in the language used between PR reps and bloggers.
Charities don’t fall under this for me. If it’s a cause I support, I will always post about a charity event for free.
I also agree with those have said about getting to know the bloggers you are pitching. I’m certainly not going to give a pitch with “Dear Blogger,” or “Dear (insert blog name),” and a ton of typos very much time because the rep sending it didn’t give it much time either.
May 24th, 2010 at 12:55 pm
One thing that I don’t think will help the challenges in finding a middle ground between PR people and bloggers is calling one another names. While I don’t agree with the way the blogger handled the pitch, you calling her a lunatic and saying that she needs therapy is equally inappropriate.
Having said that, I don’t think that either side is all good or bad. The truth is that many bloggers are saying/have written similar posts regarding what we do/don’t want from pr. Uncompensated reviews (that fit our core audience): yes. Uncompensated marketing (banner ads/cross social media promotions/writing on brand’s site/etc.): no. (Follow mombloggersclub, mom101, typeamom, etc. on twitter). I really think that if both sides started to do more listening rather than responding emotionally, we could all work together better. We are NOT enemies. The vast majority of PR folks are doing their best…as are the vast majority of moms who blog.
May 24th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Well, I left a comment on another prominent mommy bully/blogger, but that got deleted. My 2 cents:
1) Mommy bloggers, so unfortunate to receive PR pitches, stop typing too damn fast. It’s not a BFD to delete or sending a 3-word sentence.
2) PR pitches are written by humans who may be mommybloggers too! Just trying to do their jobs. I agree with all of Kel’s points, but I’m sad to say what will happen next is:
Jessica Gottlieb, who is on a mission to rid with world of twitter parties/giveaways, will hijack the conversation to focus on the ‘therapy’ comment and essentially invoke Godwin’s law.
3)That said, you coulda done without the mental health jibes. I know you shot from this hip with this post like Diane did, but the therapy comment WAS uncalled for.
In any case, I’ll be keeping close tabs on how this plays out. Let’s see if certain mommy bloggers & PR people can rise above their egos and realize that you catch more flies with honey.
Taking a chill pill,
Jean
May 24th, 2010 at 2:04 pm
As someone on both sides, I understand the challenges on the PR and blogger ends.
First, I’m pretty sure calling someone a lunatic and bully is not a good starting place for problem solving.
I understand your frustration at Diana’s post the same way I understand her frustration at the request. But lunatic and bully are strong insults, much more, IMO, that a critique of a pitch.
Second, who does this well? MomCentral. Clever Girls Collective. Women Online.
What do they do well? They build relationships with bloggers and then pitch them. Then they pitch them well.
PR firms that ask for time-consuming and challenging tasks such as giveaways and contests may not understand how much they are asking for. PR firms (and others) who think pitches are favors to bloggers are also missing a crucial connection on perspective and purpose.
I have a standard response I send with my conditions, rates, etc. as appropriate, that I send in reply to pitches. I’ve never asked to be removed from a pitch list because I don’t see that as a solution, although I’m sure getting my conditions has caused some laces to remove me as not a fit for their work. Fair enough on both ends. I do like to remain in contact with firms because someday they really might have something that is a good fit. Smart firms log this intelligence.
MomCentral did — they got to know me and understood I liked to write reviews of events, because that was a great fit for one of my columns, and very quickly I received really fantastic offers.
When I’ve pitched bloggers, I’ve enjoyed getting replies because it’s a neat opportunity for a dialogue and chance to build a relationship. Sometimes it has started from a negative place, but I like to fix that, so I work at it.
One time a blogger who was a mom was frustrated that my pitch invited only her, not her kids. Fair enough, and that was helpful feedback. I learned a lot about her and her preferences, and it opened my mind.
That’s the key, I think: perspective taking.
May 24th, 2010 at 2:16 pm
I just have to laugh at PR people and companies thinking it’s a fair trade to do a review of a product for nothing because they are “giving the blogger content.”
My guess is most bloggers have plenty of content.
Actually, you are ADDING work. Our time trying the product, writing the post, editing the post, taking the pictures, editing the pictures, adding links to the company’s site in our post and most likely tweeting about it. For free.
Please don’t take the tact that you are doing us a FAVOR when we give you free or next-to-free advertising.
Just my 2 cents from the bloggers’ perspective without even getting into all of the nastiness going on here. Yikes.
May 24th, 2010 at 3:33 pm
I have an interesting view since I’m:
1) a blogger
2) a small business owner
3) a PR gal
As a small business owner, I relied on blogs to introduce my website to the world. However, I sent each blogger who reviewed my site a product for review as well as giveaway where required. As a brand-new business owner, I could barely afford this but would *never* ask anyone to help me without thanking them in some sort of way.
As a blogger, I have *BIG* opinions on this. I expect the same of PR/brands that I expected of myself. That said, I do need some sort of incentive to spend the time, but I don’t accept cash for a review. That’s an ad and accepting cash for my opinion would be dishonest to my readers. I have a few posts on this, the latest one here – http://workathomemom.typepad.com/the_daily_grind_of_a_work/2010/05/money-for-nothing-or-pr-for-free.html.
As a person in the PR space, the agency I work at does not condone asking bloggers to do something for nothing and I respect that entirely. Many times bloggers are not interested in the product we are looking to promote or the incentive – and that’s fine. They don’t respond or just say no thank you. No harm done.
Truth is, not all PR firms get that bloggers are not traditional media and we do not derive revenue from subscriptions, though we often have a greater reach than some traditional media simply by virtue of the fact that what we write is viral. It appears to me that the blogger was having a particularly bad day (can relate) and the response above, while well-written with many good points – might’ve omitted the eye-for-an-eye ‘tude toward the end.
Oh, and any blogger who wants cold hard cash for a “review” should be taken off your list since they will not deliver a real review anyhow.
May 24th, 2010 at 3:39 pm
My response is to Brie – Why can’t you just say no? I totally get you are busy. If you don’t want to do the reviews or giveaways because you are already busy with other content, why can’t you just say no and be asked to be removed from the list?
May 24th, 2010 at 3:39 pm
I’ve been reading through all of these comments and have read mostly rants by other bloggers instead of real solutions to what is clearly a problem that needs to be addressed. Let’s bring the conversation back to offering positive solutions on how everyone can work together. Turning this into a pig-pile isn’t going to help any of us.
May 24th, 2010 at 3:41 pm
My mom always said to “fight fire with fire” – seems to me that’s what Kel did here.
And to clear up some confusion: Advertising = content created BY the advertiser (company x) that they pay to have placed somewhere. The more people that see it, the more it costs.
Editorial = content created ABOUT company X by a neutral third party(reporter/blogger) that company X did not pay for and has no control over.
Just because something mentions a company does not make it an ad.
May 24th, 2010 at 3:41 pm
As a mom myself, I respect Mommy Bloggers and what they do. I understand their perspective. I am a loyal reader of some mommy blogs because I trust their advice and experiences. I do however, side with the PR firm on this particular issue. There is a difference between PR and advertising. PR is editorial content – it’s free. Advertising is pay for play. Both are important – but blogging is strictly editorial. I hope that by Kel highlighting the differences, we can begin to understand them better.
May 24th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
I read the whole thing. Kel’s first, then the retort by Diana via Kel’s link. I am a big mommy blog reader and mommy internet group participant. I read awhile back that a law was passed that mommy bloggers could *not* receive compensation of any kind without explicitly stating this on their site. Because that would make it a direct advertisement.
May 24th, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Marcia, I was wondering when someone would point out those FTC blogger deadlines!
In case anyone would like to read them, here’s the link:
http://www.ftc.gov/opa/2009/10/endortest.shtm
I find it hard to believe that were all the bloggers who are paid for posts/reviews to disclose their material connections to the products, that they would be able to maintain the same level of readership. I for one am not interested in reading a review that isn’t as objective as possible. Think about reviews on sites like Amazon.com–they are made by consumers who PAID to obtain a product and then felt the desire to offer their opinions on it, in a public forum. I’m inclined to say I am more likely to purchase something after reading reviews of that type rather than a paid endorsement from a blogger (mommy or otherwise).
May 24th, 2010 at 4:19 pm
I’m totally shocked by the hypocrisy of some of the posts I’ve been reading on this topic. I am a PR professional who, quite frankly, is sick and tired of being asked for “free stuff” by mommy bloggers that don’t understand what PR is and why its inappropriate to ask for free stuff in exchange for a blog post. You can’t expect to be treated like legitimate citizen journalists if you act like you’re only out to get something for free. I think the bigger question to all mommy bloggers out there is…IF THE CONTENT SENT TO YOU IN A PR PITCH IS RELEVANT TO YOUR AUDIENCE, WHY WOULDN’T YOU WANT TO SHARE IT WITH THEM? Isn’t one of the main reasons for blogging to share information? I personally don’t get what all the fuss is about. Kudos to Kel for defending one of her employees who was simply trying to a good job on behalf of the clients that pay them to do so.
May 24th, 2010 at 4:25 pm
As an in-house PR rep at a small local company that follows Kel’s blog, I sincerely wish I had time to spend reading and getting to know every blogger and reporter that I pitch, but the reality of the situation is that I just don’t have the time or resources as the company’s sole PR rep.
I often rely on HARO for pitching our business. For those not familiar, it’s a service that both reporters and PRs subscribe to for free, where reporters can request specific products, expert advice, etc. that they are in need of for a specific story. Although some bloggers utilize this service, by and large it is professional journalists.
Perhaps there should be similar repository for mommy bloggers where they can share their interests and specific needs for their blog with PRs (or request not to be contacted!) This would result in much more targeted pitching on behalf of the PRs, and perhaps save a few headaches here.
Just offering my two cents to come up with a solution as the drama seems a bit counterproductive.
May 24th, 2010 at 5:17 pm
Well, this certainly has drawn a great deal of attention.
I’m in PR, I pitch to “media lists” that my company constantly updates. Whether it is a junior account person, or the occassional intern that creates or refreshes the list, mistakes will happen. Bloggers, sometimes it’s unclear who your audiences is. As far as not always mentioning your names, sometimes the only way to pitch your site is thru “submissions.” I’m sure blogger ARE bombarded daily with pitches – and so are the editors of all the major publications we pitch to (Family Circle, Woman’s Day, Ladies Home Journal, Oprah, etc). These editors work for powerhouse publications – and I’ve never received one single, nasty email response from one of them. I’m sure at one point I may have inadvertently pitched them something that wasn’t a fit, but the editors would either delete, or send a quick email back “not interested” – that’s all it would take. They are professional about it.
I’ve, unfortunately, been on the receiving end of some rude email responses from Mommy Blogger – one, point blank, told me to “F#$@ Off”, and quite a few have given me the old “I’m gonna share this with other mommy bloggers.” And there have been a handful of others.
Come on ladies. There is absolutely no reason to be so harsh. Some one wrote about “raise your hand if you’ve never made a mistake” – what a valid point.
If you go way back to Kel’s original post, she was looking for solutions.
PR solution:
*Do your homework and make sure that the blogger is a fit for your clients business/service.
Blogger Solution:
*Hit delete
*Email back “unsubcribe”
A little respect can make all the difference.
There are far more important things going on in the world that need our time and energy.
May 24th, 2010 at 6:47 pm
The answer to PR reps’ problems with mommybloggers is so easy it drives me crazy that I see pros making the same mistakes time and time again. I come from both perspectives. I blog, and I work in PR and marketing and as a liaison between bloggers, brands and PR reps. The disconnect is that there are many types of bloggers. Not all are akin to newspaper or magazines, and most DO NOT NEED stories, traffic or giveaway items from PR. That fact undoes the holy trinity of “everybody’s happy” with “free” stories. The game has changed. However, old style pitching is still useful as some bloggers are indeed publishers akin to newspapers and magazines and are interested in those PR-driven stories or giveaway items. They already by and large identify themselves as PR Friendly either by badge or by text, so I don’t think a new badge is needed, and you can also tell by their content and the way they engage with the blogosphere and their readers. You can tell by building a relationship. So mistakes are usually made by not researching that blogger first, and by not taking time to build a relationship second. If you are at all in doubt, your employees should absolutely query with a brief email–not a pitch for the client, but a request to see if they are interested in general in the type of pitches you send. Just as simple as the unsubscribe email you mention. Your employee is the paid pro in this exchange. Did she first research that blogger and then chat with her before pulling your client into the exchange that obviously might not be welcome? Doing less is the type of bad communication that bloggers rightfully are offended by, as it breaks major etiquette, and companies should be offended by, if they knew, because they look bad. If PR companies are confused by the mommyblogger scene, they can also hire insiders or liaisons to help them understand and cultivate relationships.
May 25th, 2010 at 11:13 am
Kel thanks for taking the lead on defining and elevating the issue of compensating bloggers. The FTC has chimed in and has made an example of several blogs and even couple of companies in the past year on this exact issue. As a Kel & Partners client and founder of a small business, the blogosphere has been invaluable in allowing consumers to learn about our products. Bloggers (specifically mommy bloggers) have supported companies which make and sell value-added products that enhance consumers’ lives. They have put our products to the test in their homes and have given honest feedback (where we have succeeded and where we need to improve our products) without being compensated. Their blog posts have been read by many consumers who, like me, search the internet looking for honest and personal experiences with products and services. Without the blogosphere, consumers would be relying on companies and their marketing department for product information.
Personally aware of balancing a busy life with many priorities, I do understand the bloggers’ dilemma of “to be compensated or not to be compensated” for product reviews and posts. And I am sure over time this issue will be sorted out and a common and equitable foundation will be established.
But to me, the issue is directly related to the high demand for product and service content by the public, due to deteriorating customer service in our society. Without open and honest dialogue, bloggers and PR firms will fail to provide consumers with an alternative channel, a place for consumers to seek and learn about great new products and services. I do not have all the answers, but I am clear that bloggers, PR firms and start-up companies have the ability to stimulate and revitalize customer service for all of us as it relates to product and service feedback and performance. As the internet has evolved in the past 20 years so must the blogosphere, to continue to shape and mold for all involved to succeed in the future. May the force be with all in the blogosphere!
May 25th, 2010 at 12:18 pm
well, all I read was “BLAHBLAHBLAH I’m right, you’re wrong!” From both ends =)
Guess what? No one’s right. Someone is always going to disagree with your choices.
I’m just hoping that you’re not looking for approval for the way you feel and the way you acted. Because simply, it was out of line on both ends.
Move on.
Note to self: If you’re ever offered giveaways, Don’t post about the ones you don’t want, or you’ll be torn a new one!
May 25th, 2010 at 1:59 pm
Kel,
First let me say, I truly understand both sides of this situation, it is frustrating for PR firms to not know the “rules” of each mommy blogger, as it is frustrating to be inundated with emails from PR firms as a mommy blogger. That said however, I have to say I’m very disappointed in this blog, in this scenario YOU are the professional, and while I understand your need to handle the situation, the tone in which you handled it was completely inappropriate. I’ve read your comments about being a bully with a bully and I respectfully disagree that this is a good way to handle it. If you had written a professional, well thought out blog about the struggles of the PR firm without bashing Diana I would have totally been on your side, as it stands I’m disgusted by both of you.
May 25th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Er, I work in PR and it seems that although Jen’s pitch was very sweet it seemed a little condescending. And Diana’s response was far from “vile.”
May 25th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
Kel, I keep seeing you repeat the phrase, “When I’m bullied, I become a bully.” This is something I heard a lot in middle school, but I would expect adults – and professionals – to behave better. You cannot speak about respecting others and pretend like you are as you trash someone’s reputation over something so silly, and I am not impressed that when someone bothers you, you turn around and do the same thing back. I can guarantee I will not be hiring such unprofessional PR for my company. That IS something that is important to me as a small business owner – because YOU would represent me to everyone you encounter. Yours is not an image I would want to portray.
That aside, and speaking as a small business owner that caters to mommies, as well as someone with a history of employment and schooling in communications within the media, you cannot expect that all “mommy bloggers” will place a badge on their site to accommodate the industry.
Unfortunately, the PR firms have two choices: either continue as is, and perhaps make a clear statement in their communications that there is no monetary compensation but that this is an opportunity to work together, or do what so many other industries have had to do in recent years – adapt to the new environment.
May 25th, 2010 at 2:31 pm
Curious where Jessica Gottlieb’s comments went?
May 25th, 2010 at 2:47 pm
You are deleting comments now? Both mine and the one below me. How unprofessional yet again… To be honest, that makes me more upset than anything – I find I can’t trust your firm at all – now there is nothing to be redeemed…
Kel, I keep seeing you repeat the phrase, “When I’m bullied, I become a bully.” This is something I heard a lot in middle school, but I would expect adults – and professionals – to behave better. You cannot speak about respecting others and pretend like you are as you trash someone’s reputation over something so silly, and I am not impressed that when someone bothers you, you turn around and do the same thing back. I can guarantee I will not be hiring such unprofessional PR for my company. That IS something that is important to me as a small business owner – because YOU would represent me to everyone you encounter. Yours is not an image I would want to portray.
That aside, and speaking as a small business owner that caters to mommies, as well as someone with a history of employment and schooling in communications within the media, you cannot expect that all “mommy bloggers” will place a badge on their site to accommodate the industry.
Unfortunately, the PR firms have two choices: either continue as is, and perhaps make a clear statement in their communications that there is no monetary compensation but that this is an opportunity to work together, or do what so many other industries have had to do in recent years – adapt to the new environment.
May 25th, 2010 at 2:47 pm
Ah, no, I apologize. There must have been something funky with my computer, because I refreshed several times. I’m sorry for jumping the gun and believing my comment was removed.
May 25th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
hello all! coming up for air following my son’s graduation from high school yesterday. a proud mommy moment.
anyhoot, this will be my final comment on this post. i think i have said everything that i wanted to say — there is no flavor left in the gum. clients, partners, employees, mommy bloggers and fellow pr peeps have chimed in on the subject. and yes, i have been moderating the comments based on tone and content. as such, i have removed comments that offer nothing but negative energy. i will continue to do that, so don’t waste your time posting if you don’t have anything positive to contribute to the discussion. i am disappointed that there were fewer ideas than finger pointing, but at least the dialogue has started. i continue to challenge everyone to post a suggestion to resolve the mommy elephant situation. we have already begun executing a number of things here. at the end of the day, we respect a mommy blogger’s desire to be paid for her content. unfortunately, our clients consider that advertising/sponsorship and they don’t have budget allocated for it. this includes a billion dollar business. to all the mommy bloggers looking to monetize their content by getting paid for writing — you go girls! i hope that dream is realized sooner rather than later. peace out peeps.
May 25th, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Nt 2c: when you delete comments without explaining why or posting rules of engagement, it doesn’t look good. like there’s something to hide.
May 27th, 2010 at 5:44 pm
Hello all!
Quite the conversation going on over here! As always, I’m a little late to the party.
What I am hearing you say, Kel, is that you (the PR side) are responsible for getting these press releases out to the public via as many free avenues as possible.
I am picturing an article in a newspaper or magazine or a 30 second clip in a news show. Assuming this is a correct interpretation, I will proceed –
This free press release would be a part of a *larger* package – less than 1% of the content that publisher/newscast/whatever would be sharing with their audience on that particular day.
In a group blog with multiple posts per day, (or in the case of 704, per month) this would be a similar comparison.
However, if I were to post the same kind of information on my personal blog (http://kaisermommy.com), because of the template, that post would be at the top of the page, getting front page attention until I posted again (which could be a while *ahem*) This post would also go out into the inboxes of my email subscribers and into the feed readers of those subscribers.
That’s a whole different ballgame – more like one of those 30 minute infomercials that comes on while I’m trapped on the elliptical at the gym – and I’m assuming someone had to pay for that big block of time aka viewers attention.
When I watch television, I expect commercials. When I read a magazine, I expect shiny ads – even the ones designed to look like articles, but with the words “advertisement” written in a small font somewhere in a margin. Newspapers, Movie previews – all of that, I expect to be marketed to.
If I bought a book and the first chapter was all about how the heroine just loved (insert brand name chocolate here) because it filled out her curves so Lance the overly muscled dude would notice her – I’d be a little suspicious about just what the point of the book was.
So, that’s at least why press release requests hit the file 13 of my inbox.
Thanks for readin’!
May 27th, 2010 at 5:58 pm
As blogger and as a marketing person, I see a different side of the coin. The problem is not in that “Mommy Bloggers” want to get paid, the problem is that the wrong terminology is being used.
PR (public relations) is not the same as promotion, which is not the same as advertising. When you say that PR people are all about finding free outlets, that’s where the confusion comes in. Free is promotion. PR is handling the reputation of your brand. Advertising is paid placement of a message.
I’m not saying this to be condescending in any way, but simply to say that the problem lies in women (and men) being pitched by companies and one or both parties are misusing/misunderstanding these words.
May 31st, 2010 at 10:49 pm
Kel, while I agree in the main with your response, I fail to see the logic behind “as far as my tone, i become a bully when dealing with a bully”. It seems foolish for you to try to justify your bad behaviour with this “but she did it first” response.
June 1st, 2010 at 8:16 am
What started as a post to discuss a situation that needed to be addressed has turned into a battle. No one deserves to be cyber bullied and ALL Kel’s post was supposed to do was to start the ball rolling down a path to positive change. At this point does it really matter who is wrong and who is right? By pointing fingers nothing is accomplished. PR is important and Mommy Bloggers are equally important – at the end of the day isn’t that what really matters??
June 1st, 2010 at 8:22 am
It seems to me that what started as an controversial attempt at starting a real conversation has quickly devolved into complete and total cyberbullying. What Jessica Gottlieb is trying to do is 100x worse than anything Kel or the original mommy blogger did!!
Kel, take heart – it seems with a quick YouTube search that you’re not the only one that has been on the receiving end of one of her tirades: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQEJvbVBnD0
Drunk dials and attacks on other people’s family members? How does she think she has a leg to stand on?
June 4th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
[...] mom-blogger topic has been heating up lately, and there’s a lot to think about for communications and PR pros. Some moms want to be [...]
June 13th, 2010 at 1:11 am
I’m late to this conversation. Probably because I don’t focus on reviews or PR interaction. I do, however, get frequent pitches. Some are fantastic. Most are not. Many excellent suggestions have been offered in this thread to help improve PR/blogger interactions. I don’t have much to offer there. I would, however, like to attempt to clear up some misperceptions about the blogging world. Two in particular that I saw in the comments stand out.
1. Why we blog. Most bloggers do not need content. To continue to provide “content” is not our reason for existence. That displays a fundemental misunderstanding of the blogging world and I hope it’s something every PR person on this thread can explain more fully to your clients.
I’m sure there are blogs out there that exist solely to provide content, get clicks and collect advertising dollars. But I’m guessing those aren’t the blogs your clients want to reach. We write about our lives and we enjoy doing it. We write for a sense of community, for support and for friendship. We do not write to provide “content.” We write to share our lives and even if every PR agency in America stopped pitching tomorrow, we would continue to share our lives online. For the vast majority of us, PR, advertising, giveaways and free products are nice, but they aren’t the *reason* we write. I’m almost hearing a tone of “you should be thankful for these content ideas” and that’s just completely off the mark. It may explain some of the recent disconnect between bloggers & PR.
I can’t speak for other bloggers because I no longer do many reviews. But every now and then I’ll get a pitch that is so spot on, that I reply. Even if it’s not a review I can do, I will reply and tell the “Jennifer” behind the email how awesome the pitch was. Sometimes I’ll pass it on to the dozens of bloggers I email with evey day behind the scenes and say “Look at this pitch. This person/company/brand has been paying attention.” Or, I’ll introduce “Jennifer” to 5 of my blogging friends. Of course, the product or service also comes into play but the pitch is the way you’ll get me. However, let me be clear – I never “need” or even “want” for content. I don’t write for you or even my readers. I write for me.
2. “Mommy bloggers”. Let me explain why many of us don’t like the term. Yes, I said “many” of us. Yes, I am a mom. But I’m also a lawyer, a wife, a daughter, a volunteer, an advocate for the causes I hold dear. I write bout my children, yes. They’re a huge part of my life. But I also write about the law, photography, my marriage, politics, infertility, the war and it’s effect on my military family, death and my long painful struggle with depression. To have all of that summed up as a “mommy blog” is a kick in the gut to many women who now struggle to get the world to see them as so much more than just mothers. I understand that we’re a target market, a demographic, but individually we are all so much more. All of us like to be seen as individuals. In fact, many of us began blogging so that we could find our unique voices. Please don’t dismiss that struggle with a “why wouldn’t you love this term?” if you’re not under 4 feet tall and banging on the door while I’m trying to pee, please don’t call me “mommy.”
I apologize for egregious typos. I just wrote this tome on my iPhone and I hope some of it is helpful and legible.
June 13th, 2010 at 11:43 pm
Also late to the conversation, but wanted to say: Let’s try to remember there are people behind the PR pitches AND people behind the blogs. My gripe? It’s all become so very impersonal. Many PR pitches (in my experience) are unfocused and ill-targeted to the blogger and sent blanket-fashion. What gets my attention is when the PR agency works to establish a personal relationship.
I want to connect with the thing I’m promoting, the person I’m promoting it for, and the PR agency who asked me to do it.
In a nutshell (NOT), I wrote in a post last year (“Sex and PR”) about my criteria for accepting PR pitches. Paraphrased?
(1) Will my family like it? (2) Will my readers like it (if there’s a giveaway); and (3) Can I write about (or NOT write about) the product/trip, etc. in my own way, without feeling beholden to give a positive, stupid, senseless, biased review that serves no one but the company?
So that’s my take.
P.S. I greatly dislike the term, “mommyblogger.”
P.P.S. There’s a lot of “gimme gimme” happening on BOTH sides of the fence, and that entitlement is off-putting.
June 18th, 2010 at 8:01 am
[...] In this very traditional scenario, the agency gets paid by the client, but there’s no budget for them to spend, other than on the labor of their employees. The PR agency just plain doesn’t get access to any money, because they are supposed to be getting free, or “earned” media coverage. “The operative word here is ‘free,’” explains PR blogger Kel Kelly of Kel & Partners, in a recent blog post called The Mommy Elephant in the Room. [...]
February 20th, 2011 at 7:33 am
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