Update: Out of appreciation and respect for the Mommy Blogger’s apology, I have removed both links to her blog. It now serves no purpose. I highly encourage everyone to continue to share comments and ideas on how to proactively address the Mommy Elephant situation discussed below. Thanks!-

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I am a firm believer that “all things happen for a reason.” Even when it initially appears that I am on the receiving end of something negative, I know that “this moment is as it should be” even if the reason is not clear at that time. I am also a firm believer that working to resolve a perceived issue is a far better and much healthier approach to life’s challenges than slinging mud and spewing vile hatred. Well, lucky me. Thanks to something that hit the blogosphere last night, I have another opportunity to live by those beliefs.

First, let me give you a little background info. PR agencies are hired by clients to do many things, but most importantly, they are hired to secure positive, free coverage across all media — TV, print, radio, internet, social and blogosphere. The operative word here is “free.” PR agencies pitch stories in hopes that it will be of interest to the media outlet’s target audience while gaining exposure for its client. When done successfully, everyone wins in this model — the media outlet, the client, and the PR agency. The media outlet wins because when done correctly, they have delivered an outstanding story that is original and tightly aligned with the interests of its readership/viewership. The client wins because the exposure helps drive awareness and association to their brand while leveraging the positive credibility associated with a reputable media outlet. And the PR agency wins because they successfully secured a positive hit on behalf of its client.

Over the last few years a fantastic sector has emerged within the blogosphere called Mommy Bloggers. If you ever wanted to scream the words “You go girl!” then the Mommy Bloggers are a good place to find a worthy recipient of your enthusiastic props and accolades. As the mom of four children, I get why moms love Mommy Bloggers — when it comes to things for my family, I trust the insight from another mom more than anyone else on the planet. Moms kind of have a herd mentality in that when we find something we love, we want to share it with other moms, so they can benefit too. Because of the unmatched reach of the internet, the Mommy Bloggers have been able to provide exceptional value and insight to an audience that goes far beyond their local community of friends. The Kel & Partners team feels so fortunate to work with these amazing women since the vast majority of our employees are moms themselves and because we have the utmost respect for how hard Mommy Bloggers work as both a mom and as a blogger. It would be impossible to mention all the Mommy Bloggers we love because there are thousands of them, but good examples include Allison at PetitElefant, Louise at Mom Start, Deb at Just a Mom’s Take on Things, Gem at Sage & Savvy, Angie at 5 Vinez Monkeys and all the talented women at Cafe Mom and SheKnows.

Over the last year or so, however, there has been a Mommy Elephant in the room and it is causing a lot of pain for some Mommy Bloggers and PR agencies alike. As I mentioned previously, the job of a PR agency has always been to find free media opps. PR agencies have worked in a free media model since the beginning of time. The media outlets we work with have always monetized their business through selling advertising, not selling editorial. Recently, there has been a backlash from some Mommy Bloggers about wanting to be paid for covering a client’s product/service. The challenge is that there is no way for a PR agency to know if this is the perspective of a particular Mommy Blogger since it honestly isn’t the intent of all Mommy Bloggers. So what sometimes happens is a PR person unknowingly pitches a Mommy Blogger who wants to be paid for her coverage and unfortunately, the PR person ends up irritating her because the pitch doesn’t involve any monetary compensation.

I am using this post as an invitation to Mommy Bloggers and PR agencies to collaboratively figure out a way to resolve this issue. I float the following question — How can we best identify a Mommy Blogger who prefers monetary compensation for the content she produces? I think I am speaking for all PR agencies when I say that we totally respect if a Mommy Blogger wants to be paid for the content she produces. And, it is because of that respect that I think we need to come up with a proactive solution that will make it easy for us to identify this subset of Mommy Bloggers so that we can remove them from our pitch list. Trust me when I tell you the last thing we want to do is pitch anyone who does not want to be on the receiving end of a pitch. I am all ears when it comes to coming up with a better way to segment the Mommy Blogger community. One thought would be to come up with a badge or something that a Mommy Blogger could put on her blog that lets the PR agency know she would not like to be pitched unless there is monetary compensation involved. Perhaps the badge could be called “Test House” or something similar that would help everyone align their business objectives and needs. I am not wed to anything and I am open to all ideas. Let’s solve this issue together and as a result positively impact the lives of the Mommy Bloggers and PR agencies.

Now, let me address the situation that acted as a catalyst for this post. Diana is a Mommy Blogger who writes a blog called <blog name removed>. The good news is Diana did a great job naming her blog to represent her personality and the rage that clearly lives inside her. Jen, a much-loved Kel & Partners employee, pitched Diana on behalf of one of our clients. Jen is so kind-hearted that we often describe her by saying, “When Jen wakes up in the morning and opens the windows the birds start to sing and butterflies land on her shoulders.” I am not kidding when I tell you she has a heart that is filled with goodness. Back to the story — Jen sent a Mommy pitch on behalf of a client to Diana. Jen’s pitch not only included a $10 coupon — something most Mommy Bloggers love — but also offered a $20 gift card as a “giveaway.” Since Diana has a tab on her site called “Giveaways” Jen thought this would be of interest to her. Jen closed her email by saying “Let me know if you’re interested, and we’d love to work with you!” Little did Jen know that Diana was what can only be described as a lunatic. In response to Jen’s pitch, Diana went on a hatred-filled rant. It’s too long, narcissistic and delusional to repeat, but feel free to read it by clicking <link removed>. A more mature, respectful way to handle the situation would have been to simply reply to Jen’s email and ask to be removed from the pitch list. We totally respect if any blogger does not want to be pitched and appreciate a simple email like Katie at MarriageConfessions sent that kindly said “Please remove me from your mailing list. Thank you.” So simple.

Instead of sending a one line email to Jen, Diana chose to bully and anyone who reads my blog knows that I hate bullies. Her post is cyber bullying in high gear. She not only threatens to blog about this but goes on with the intent to not only intimidate Jen, but all PR people. I raised my children under the guiding principal of “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” Clearly Diana has never heard of this approach when addressing something that is bothering her.

It makes me smile when I think about the respect and appreciation we receive from media people at the best media outlets on the planet — Today Show, HuffingtonPost, Lucky Magazine, etc. I think Diana would benefit from taking a page out of their respect playbook and applying it to her own. Like most PR people, at Kel & Partners, our employees are wonderful human beings dealing with real life challenges. Two are Moms of autistic children, one had a baby diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer at 6 months of age, one was just told her mother has two months to live, one is successfully tackling a weight loss issue that put her in the category of morbidly obese, one has a son exhibiting symptoms of Tourettes syndrome, one is dealing with biopsies on a regular basis, and the list goes on. These people — and anyone for that matter — don’t deserve to be on the receiving end of a vile diatribe like the one Diana unleashed on Jen.

To all the Mommy Bloggers who don’t want to be pitched unless there is monetary compensation, please know that PR agencies love and respect you. The last thing we would want to do is be an irritant in your world. Most of us are champions of the underdog, a starting point for all bloggers, particularly the Mommies. We believe in the long-tail and at the end of the day, we believe the smaller bloggers are the heart and soul of today’s internet. The Mommy Bloggers represent a big part of that long tail. I would love to hear your thoughts on ways that we as a PR industry can better ensure we are only pitching the Mommy Bloggers who want to be pitched. Any short-term or long-term ideas are welcome.

To Jen and the rest of the kind-hearted PR peeps in our industry, I would appreciate any thoughts from you on how to make a positive change relative to the Mommy Elephant in the room. If we all work together, I know we can come up with a great solution to bring more happiness to the Mommy Bloggers and to our daily lives.

To Diana, rest assured you have been removed from our pitch list. I hope you try therapy. Kindness and compassion make for a happier life for everyone.

What are your thoughts on how to find a solution to the Mommy Elephant?

Please note: I welcome all comments and perspectives as long as they are delivered under an umbrella of respect. All disrespectful comments will be deleted. None of us need that negativity in our world.

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